May 31, 2013

On High School

"You get a strange feeling when you are about to leave a place. Like you'll not only miss the people you love, but you'll miss the person you are now, at this time and place, because you'll never be this way ever again."- Azar Nafisi

The things that matter the most always turn out right in the end. So maybe the things that go wrong or don't work out really only mattered for a short time anyways.

Anything can happen. You can struggle (and struggle......) in a class you thought would be so easy. You can wait for something to materialize and watch it fall to pieces. You can lose people very close to you unexpectedly. Life is like that, and unfortunately, high school is too. But always remember, anything can happen.

Boys will come and go, but girlfriends are forever. I never dated or "talked" to anyone and never went to prom either and my senior homecoming (you can pick your jaw up off the floor now). And no, I don't feel like I missed out on anything. I have wonderful guy friends that I wouldn't trade for the world and while being the eternal third wheel was/is not fun at times, I've never had to avoid any boy in my grade either. I am the guy's girl and it's always better in my opinion to hold their respect. My best girls (you know who you are) are the ones I have stuck it out with practically my entire life. We may have drifted at parts, but it's funny how the right friends always come back to you.

Don't do the things you think you should do. Do the things you want to do, when you want to do them, and the way you want them done.

Be who you are and be in love with yourself. This took me lots of tears and three long years to figure out that people actually liked the more YSPy side of me and that I was well liked. Self-esteem was something I really did struggle with for awhile, and I do wish that I had realized sooner that people will still love you even if you think you're really weird. 

On the flip side, keep changing. Try new things, talk to new people, read a different book, take a challenging class. My best friends now are people I once thought were way cooler than me (and yes, I used to be that shallow. Shame on you, little Royar).  Strike up a conversation with random people. Say hi to everyone you pass in the hall. Some of my best friends now are people I thought were too cool to talk to a loser like me didn't even talk to at the beginning of senior year.

The days and nights that turn out not in your favor are there to remind you of how good it feels like when it all falls into place.

Find your rock. Your rock should not be a person; it should be something that will never change. It makes you come alive and fulfills whatever your passion. Exercise is that rock for me, and at the lowest times in my life I've turned to it. The darkest times in my high school years were definitely the times I wasn't being active. No matter what was happening in my life or who my friends were that year, running was always the same. One of my biggest regrets of high school was not running cross country all six years and quitting lacrosse in tenth grade. I truly wish I hadn't given up. 

Grades matter, but what you learn and how you use it matters most in the long run. Maybe I never will have to use my knowledge of Ronald Reagan's initial bid for the governorship of California or do a statistical ANOVA again, but I firmly believe that what you learn about learning and yourself in the classroom are what matters most. I know how to push myself to learn things and how to adapt to teachers who TOTALLY don't jive with my learning style.

I think I summed it up best in my charge to the upper school during my last chapel: 

The work never ends, but high school does. 
Love your classmates, thank your teachers, be good people.

I honestly don't think I would change much about my high school experience. I wish I had worked a little harder freshman year and been more open with people, but hindsight is always 20/20. I think what matters most is not what you do, but what you learn from your actions. This year has shown me that hard work pays off and that being yourself might not be the absolute worst thing in the world.



  1. I think its a really great think to reflect on everything once you finish school, for me starting at my school age 11 to now leaving the change has been phenomenal, but its reflecting and learning from this that has been really important to me over the past year in order to be the best person I possible can. From you post I feel like you appreciate this time to reflect and how it allows us to shape our futures.

    Rebecca Elizabeth
    P.s amazing post very though evoking


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